. . .Time. . .

The following article was written on the 26Th of April, just one day after publishing my previous article, and i have kept it in my laptop till this moment. Due to this fact, this article has nothing to do with the comment placed on the previous article. It was a simple coincidence.

Stormy ocean waves slamming the rocky giant mountains on the shore, it's a huge black and white picture hanging on the wall of my bed room, watching it with all the attention I've got, and screening every little detail.
I was so into the picture that I wanted to close my eyes for some time.
Trying to stop time, at least mentally, seeking few moments of peace*, diving into the inner me, or may be into what's left of me.

* Peace! a word that I might need to elaborate about some time in the future.


I close my eyes, hearing nothing but my breaths, roam around in my mind like a little kid running from one room to the other in a big huge house, seeking something, but doesn’t quite know what.

Out there in my mind, where it was darker than a mid night in winter, a little thread of light started to show, coming fast towards me, like an express train in a dark tunnel. But they were flashes of what I was thinking about couple of days ago.

Days go by, through different faces, new or repeated scenarios, same old places haunted with several memories of cheers or tears. Each one of us keeps on walking, some run, in this long, to some it's short, path we call life.

And yet to me, the subject of that "missing thing" is still there. The empty place in the chest. Is this life's all about? Were we suppose to come into this life just to simply eat, grow, study, work, get married, bring kids, grow them up, and the circle goes on and on, till the end where a new change takes place. That would be our death!
Is this what's life all about?

As I mentioned previously, what is it? What is that thing we lack? Or let me re-phrase, what is that thing that "some" people lack, although they might be considered very "successful" in their careers and/or lives.
Coincidently, a friend of mine was talking somehow something related to this last night, so I thought of sharing my thoughts with him. He said maybe we need love!
I stopped there, started to think, then I realized, I do have love in my life. I do love my family, my friends, specially the close ones, my work, and whatever I do or get involved in.

But what he meant was the partner's love, a wife.

So I guess a lot believe in the "significant other". In a fast speed analyzing his words, I thought, a significant other could be anyone, anyone we can call our "soul mate". But in his case someone with a legitimate reason to have sex with!
But no, we definitely can have soul mates, which are not our wives or husbands, and call them our significant other. But is it really love that we need?

Or in my case, is it love that I really need?
Is it love?

Is it the need to want and be wanted by someone?

Is it the need to be with someone who we would be just simply our selves around them?

Is it the need to have someone to tell them or do with them what ever we think of?

Is it the need to be with someone who might in a way or another manipulate our feelings?

Is it the need to have someone in our lives that we put a lot of hope and way high expectations and then may be one day we would realize that it was all wrong?

Is it the need for someone who would take the chance on a golden tray to hurt our most sincere feelings and threat our self being?

Is it the need for someone who is able break a little of our independent pride?

An interesting thrilling term, "Significant other"!

Or is it simply due to the fact that a lot around me are getting married?

Why is this all coming into my mind? Was it all because of this call I received this morning from an old friend who was with us in University? She was talking to me and I swear I could tell how happy she was, reminding me of all the childish funny stupid things we've done back then, but it was her phrase that triggered all this. When she simply said: "God, I always think of us every time I see the hanging picture of our group on our graduation ceremony party". Yeah, I do have a copy of that picture. We took that picture so fast, with no pre-planning; suddenly every one of us, boys and girls, left our families, and jumped into the middle of the picture shooting space, with that cheerful innocent smiles and laughter on our faces. Happy with our achievements.

We were indeed a family.

For some reason, unconsciously, I was having a little smile on my face.
Remembering where we've been, what we've been doing, and where we've reached.

But still with the same question on my mind.

I opened my eyes, still in front of that picture, after 10 minutes.
Time!
Maybe I will need to wait to know the answer.
Maybe I need to give it some time.
Who knows?

Is That It?

I wake up in the morning, wash up, wear my semi-formal clothes and go to work. There, I try to do my best, have a smile on my face even if I wasn't OK, make sure that I listen to who ever talks to me even if I really hate the person, if I could I would perform extra work or help those who need it. If there was nothing at all I would go and sit with those who I feel comfortable with or around, we could simply just sit or talk if someone felt like talking. I did my best to somehow innovate in this typical medical field, with its typical routine work. But I couldn’t due to external factors who try to suppress creativity.

Suddenly I feel something.

Anyways,

I go back home and spend some time with my lovely mother talking about what so ever, the latest news and up dates about different topics while sharing a cup of tea and maybe a bite or two. Then afterwards prepare my self for a heavy digestable number of lectures due to the fact of me doing my Master's Degree, by going to University.
I take education seriously, try to be committed, dedicated, honest, and hard worker. I get rewarded afterwards through my grades and marks. At those moments I feel I'm achieving something. But again there is that thing!

I go back home, sit with my family for a while, have a little dinner, check my emails, read a little, then go to bed, with that something somewhere!

On regular bases, I check my little small business that I have started two years ago, and see that somehow it's growing slowly and steadily. Al7amd'Ellah.

Whenever I have the time, I make sure that I would go to the gym and work out, studying have taken away my commitment to the gym for the sake of education. I would socialize and go out with my buddies (el rabi3) or friends. Yes there is a difference between them! DUH!

But then there is something!

I read, listen to music, watch movies whenever I had the chance. So I'm fulfilling my hobbies.

Today while I was in the gym, trying to work out and stop my mind from the roller coaster ride that it has been riding since eight months so far, I suddenly started to think of that "thing" I was feeling in whatever I do. I work, study, socialize, pray, eat healthy and work out when I can, but then what’s next?

I suddenly started to think, what's next? Am I successful?

No, I don’t think so. Success would be, at least maybe to me and I could be wrong, when someone is on the Top 100 influential people in the world or has won the Nobel prize for what ever he/she has done.

So success is way too early for me. Am I satisfied? No.
There is something missing, that has nothing to do with whatever I have achieved or will achieve in future.
It's like this empty space within my chest, like a ball of air.
Is this what's life all about?

What is that thing that is missing?
What is life all about?
Is this it?

When we were young, my parents, I bet along with lots of other parents to their kids, told us that life is so great and nice. We only need to study and grow to see it.

Here I am. This isn't so great to me! In fact it's dull and boring. Or am I still suppose to search while I'm walking in this path they call life!
I don’t know.
Who knows!